about time

Time?

What is time?

If time use to explain duration, then time could be in seconds

or minutes

or hours

or days

or weeks

or months

or years

This particular usage of "time" can benefit on defining e.g. how good someone hold on to things
It can also measure how fast someone get over something, or grow up as person.

but

you can also use it to sequential relation

you will no longer use the word “long” 

as in “How long...?” in this matter 

you will use many: as in

“How many..?” to get into sequential answer.

Sunset view from KBRI Den Haag, Netherlands

So apparently, I have a realization over things that turns my light off
I never exposed them before
I hid them deep
because...I was terrified that there will be nothing left for me but pity
because...I was ashamed of my past-self
I might have been too hard on my self, trying not to be affected by those traumatic events

until
once in a blue moon
i can hold it no more

I did not burst into tears
I did not curse the cause of my pain
I could not handle but losing my faith once and all

I felt so worthless... during my time working
...during my time studying
..even when I was running with my friends on my side.
That particular time, has been the most difficult one I ever had.

I am telling you now, it is better to left something toxic right at the time you found it as toxic.
Do not let yourself deal with any of them until you toxicated. (in a severe case, you will be in a condition where you are unable to detect that toxic because you internalized it and you tolerate it)
I have been there. So what did I do, then?


I decided to surrender. I let my self drowning into heartache as much as
I should have been.
For the many times I was betrayed, for that same (more) times I gave my self up to Him.

I am not fully recovered now. But I am proud that I made it to this day. I even managed to stay focus on doing my job. Good work, Rul!